Today,

I turn a page in life. Another year is here. Many years have come and gone. There were good days and the bad but they were memorable and indelible and just… there.

What is there to look forward to? Ohh, a lot am sure. I may cross another street in life that I never ever thought was there. Or I may see a sunrise or a sunset from another perspective. Although still another sunrise and sunset but still, it’s another sunrise and sunset. There may also be trees and blooms in a garden that need to be cared for. Always. If there’s life, it should be. For me, those tress and flowers will best be where they are so I’ll to leave them be. To look at. To marvel.

What is there to look back to? Ahh… no more than it was.

Life is beautiful and the Lord of Life has made it so. It is up to me to see that beauty. In the light. In the dark. In the dusk and at dawn. Life indeed is what we make it with all it’s spirit and soul.

Hello today

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Counting my blessings

This breath

Knowing that I am alive in this world to fulfill my destiny- to be fully alive

These steps

Leading me onto the unknown, the mysterious and to… me

This sparkle

Reflecting the stars that twinkle at night

Reflecting the waves that shimmer in the sunlight

This smile

Bringing forth the promises of spring, summer, fall and even wintry weather

These teardrops

Cleansing the mind, the heart and the soul

These hands

Reaching out. Touching lives. Holding on. Letting go.

This time

Showing a myriad of possibilities to be happy, to be so happy

This moment

Engaging in a play of the past, the present, the future.

Another year has come and gone

As each day passes, I no longer bemoan the past. It has brought me to here. To now. This moment. Time passing by does have that movement. Black and white images turn to gray which turn to shadows. But it’s there and always will be as part of my life. Ruminating over bad memories are infrequent now and I resolve not to dwell on it because I can never make my past any other way. It’s there.

I wish though that I would hear less and less of-

“Move on!” Ah, that’s what I have been doing from day 1

“You should pray!” Excuse me. I do pray but I do that in communion with my God in solitude

“Count your blessings!” You don’t know how many times I thank my present life with all its new challenges and discoveries.

These coming from people who cannot spare the time to listen… to what I’ve been through and to what I am still going through.

Praise be to God, I am blessed with Friends who do care and really listen. They have my deep gratitude and they do not even ask it of me. That’s the best gift anyone could ever hope for in a lifetime. Ever!

And yes my friends, the year 2018 will be a better and different year. For me. For you.

To quote Robert Frost

 “The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

Don’t say “Don’t cry”

Another goodbye. For Corrie

It was our first year together in high school. The only year we were all together, come to think of it. There were three of us. We were drawn to each other with equal amount of similarities and differences. We liked each other at first sight. There! That’s how best to can say it.

We made lasting memories because … through the years, we managed to keep in touch.

How we made it through school

how we fell in and out of love

how we fared in our chosen career path

how we got married one time or the other, separated, divorced, remarried and all that drama.

Most of all how we shared secrets.

Then cancer claimed your life when I was so hopeful that you would beat it. I survived cancer and I wonder why? I was the weakling among the three of us, so to speak. You were both full of self-confidence and would come to my rescue many times. I would waver between options and could not make up my mind. To others, I may act stubborn But I just made the wrong choice. Again. Still you were there to guide me simply because you cared deeply with nary a complaint nor criticism. Even beyond the grave, you came to my dream and showed me a way out.

Now you are both gone. You have crossed the threshold of life and death into another life where there is no death. We will meet again, my dearest friends. Until then… I will miss you oh so much!

What time is it?

It is that time of night again to lie down and rest and sleep. The past is over and done with. Gone. Why then does the P A S T creep up in these thoughts? … evoke these feelings? … At this time of the night, way past midnight that it’s almost dawn.

Happy. Sad. Happy. Angry. Happy. Not happy. So not happy. Well, ending with Happy.

A friend once told me, oh alright! she was my therapist, that the path I chose was one of two. The path I did not choose is an unknown because what would have happened will never happen anymore. Not ever. Not unless we live in a parallel world. I walked my path. Long and winding. That is why I am who I am today. Every day since.

I should be kind to myself. Even if the people that crossed my path were unkind. So very unkind. But then, there was unexpected kindness along the way too. A lot from strangers who have gone through what I was going through. Kindred souls. Yet, I must let those thoughts and feelings come and go. Live in the present. The friend in me tells me kindly to really listen to that friend within me. Be quiet. Listen. But do not stop thinking, do not stop feeling. That’s not who we are. Living breathing creatures think and feel. Breathe. Live.

Yesterday was yesterday. Time gone. Remember. Cherish. Learn the lesson. Tomorrow is time yet to come. Plan. Go forward. Today is time here and now. Or a continuum? Let me leave it at that…

Looking back

Through the test of time-

Been there. Done that.

Survivor this. Survivor that.

Happy with who I am. Accepting to what is. Open to a whole new new.

Who knows? Ooh, can’t wait to see what lies beyond the bend.

Through the eyes of love-

My heart skipped a bit a few times. And every time, I thought it was the one true love.

Maybe those were trial periods. Test runs. Maybe it’s still to come.

So fate, surprise me!

Through the years-

Enveloped by the snowfalls of winter.

Delighted by the sights and scents of spring blooms.

Caressed by the warmth of the summer sun.

Ahh, enchanted by autumn’s falling leaves.

Blocks of time

Dawn. Dusk.

Not yet day. Not yet night. 

Morning breaks.

A promise of a new day. The sun may shine brightly or hide behind the clouds. The sky may then be blue or gloomy. Still, it’s another day. A day about family, about friends. even about strangers who affect our lives- as the fluttering flight of the butterfly in the forest does. Nothing and no one is by its lonesome self. 

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. Let us live it to the fullest.

It’s dusk.

Day turns into night as the sky becomes darker and yet somehow, the glittering stars make the night seem bright. There is the play of light and shadows. It’s a transition. It resonates with our lives. The daybreak that is full of hope and the nightfall is an invitation to rest, refresh and take stock of our lives- gone and down the road.

The gift of life.